TOTFIT's Total Fitness Page

Looking forward to the New Year with a lot of hope for a Total Fitness burst. Have been slowly building this year especially during the Fall and feel that I am ready to begin a cosistent and somewhat rigorous fitness regime to become at 45 the fittest I have ever been in the coming year. This will also involve changes in my diet, and building productive routings. I am looking forwad to meeting my goals in the coming year. This weekends goals are a workout and run today and a couple of Tandem rides with my wife this weekend. The weather here is really nice and I am glad that it looks as if we will have the opportunity for a New Years Day ride.

Well, all is going well for now. I have thus far eaten well for the past couple of days. I ran three miles yesterday and am just chilling out tonight. I thought about going to an AA meeting tonight, but I am just too much comfortably at home. Don't know what is on the boob tube tonight, but I may just read instead. I am not really too interested in watching television. One thing I could do is work on my calander. Work is going ok and my feelings at the moment are that there is no use trying to gain any illicit pleasures from getting away with something because I am "home alone". After all the reality is that there is no pleasure from the illicit. There may be temporary excitement, always followed by confusion, disgust, angst, anguish and pain. What I am doing now is in stead building momentum to move into the coming year.

Well, it is Christmas eve and I have to get Santa ready soon. Rad is in the tub, doing his rub-a-dub-dub. I am glad I am at home sober and not in a pub. Hope everyone is having a happy holiday. Though earlier I was a little tired and felt ill, I am much better now. Looking forward to seeing Amanda.

Rad and Santa. Rad seems a little subdued, but it is only at the moment. He's a head banger, can't you tell? :-) 

Amanda and Santa 

Well, today is a slow Sunday. I am just chilling, computering, wrapping presents, and hanging our. Tomorrow is once again totally sober date of one month. No harmful mood altering substances taken in by this guy. I have been doing fairly well on the workout scale also, but will start burning it up tomorrow. I am really looking forward to the holidays and the Fowler's are in the spirit. Well enough for now, will do a little later.

Middle Tennessee Group This is the Sierra Club of Middle Tennessee. Keep it green!

Well, it is a relaxing Sunday upon which I woke way too early. I am truly sober today and look forward to a day of just working around the house, watching the Colts at noon and watching my son in a Christmas production and having dinner at my wife's church. I will run two miles at the gym today just to get the kinks out. I am content and happy of late. I just rolled over as a permanent employee at work today and things are looking good. My New Years priorities are fitness (mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual) and family. LIFE IS GOOD!

I really need to write/journal more to make sure I am keeping up with what is going on with me. I think self-awareness is very important for anyone that had ever had problems with any kind of addiction. Since I am only 2.5 weeks past the last week binge I really need to look out. Life is going smoothly for the moment, but for some reason I seem to have some anxiety. Could be my system still straightening out after a week of alcohol consumption. I hope that I can find some answers that will help me keep the plug in the jug, though I know it is ultimately up to me. I am in a good Christmas spirit. All of my shopping is done and I am happy to say that I am pleased with the results. This Saturday wifey and I have a date and next Saturday we go out with my fellow workers and bowl. We'll see how that goes. I just got back from an outside three miler, that was a fairly good run. I have for the past couple of weeks anyway been consistent. If it weren't for the drinking I think I

Well, starting the new workweek. Put up the x-mas tree yesterday and the smell this morning is wonderful. I am running a little late already this morning as I am slow getting moving. I slept like a dream last night. Don't remember a thing from closing my eyes till the alarm went off this morning. Happy to have found a new group of recovery folks on the internet: Recovery Options@ Yahoo. Well the plan for the week is work, and to run MWF. Am actually already looking forward to the run this afternoon. Well, better get moving.

It is I! 

Can't decide where I want to keep my journal. Well, I guess I will just keep it here and will keep it public or not depending on how I feel about what I say. Have been limping along for years on the sobriety issue. I have been "mostly" sober, but have had several lapses and they are at the rate of about four a year for the past ten years probably. Though this could be worse it is really unacceptable as any binge could possible be an end all. I am now following a mantra of "intuitive sobriety". I am really going to try and be aware of what is going on with me internally and follow my instincts. Part of this is going to be associated with getting honest with at least my mate as to what is going on with me at any given time. I am also going to take Antabuse for a year, which will require getting a regular personal doctor. I am very happy with life at this time, so I certainly don't want to screw it up, but I still have thoughts popping into my head about the la

Well, today is another day in paradise. At least life is good and thought maybe not paradise compared to alternatives it is paradise. I am going to concentrate on my eating from this point forward and do some aerobic workout daily. Will start slow as I want to concentrate on consistency and not running mileage. Will add only a mile weekly until I reach a plateau. Daily activity will be the key.

Wow, I have waken un to a really great day. Tried to watch Tennesse-Florida last night and fell asleep. Went to be with two minutes left and Tennessee came back and won. Life is glorious life right now. I have decided to deal in all things from a sense of self empowerment. I am at the moment happy with the feelings associated with this decision and immediate results. Thus far I ran 3 miles Friday and worked out at the gym. We bicycled 26 miles yesterday on our Tandem bicycle pulling our 3yo in a trailer. Has been just a good weekend all around.

Much has happened since my last written word here. Has a short lapse of a week and detox. Changed jobs. Much has changed. What have I learned? I have learned that I need to follow my heart and intuition in regards to what I need to do to be comfortable living on this planet. I have lately been running and working out, but not eating optimally. I will continue on working toward a balance of living fitness. I will trudge on with the primary goals in my life of having fun in life and helping others. Enough for today.

Just got back from a camping vacation in Florida and all is well. We had a great time and put a few miles on our new Tandem Bicycle. I have both feet planted firmly in sobriety and fitness. Still floundering a little as have been my whole life on the work/career issue, but that may or may not change. Point is I am putting one foot in front of the other and carrying on. Ran three miles yesterday. I am still a little stubborn as far as running goes. With my knee proble, I should probably stick to the bike, but I just like to run despite the pain. The most wonderful thing though for now is that I am spiritually fit, though still far from perfect. I feel closer to a balance than I have in a loonnnng time. :-)

Well, wonderful things seem to be happening in my life. I am really grateful to have a newly established relationship with God, that is now for me the base for my totfit lifestyle. I just completed a three mile run, that felt great with only minor "knee twinges." Looking forward to our vacation in Florida first week in July. We just purchased a Burley Tandem that we won't get until Friday, but looking forward to some family rides along cape san blas down to Appalachiacola. Had a blast at my son's three year old birthday party yesterday. We had a camping theme at a park with a huge playground and we all had a ball, especially me.

Well back home again after a week working out of town. I am now an AA champion. I have decided to follow through on my sobriety with the support of aa about other resources. Imagine that. I really don't know where all of this is coming from, but I am being moved in that direction. Looks like I will be out of town for about a month. I am not happy about this. there is so much going on right now. I am getting ready to go on vacation. Rad's birthday is coming up. I just really don't know what I am going to do about work. Fitness wise I am doing ok. Work plays a big role in my fitness at the moment, but I have also been running and biking a bit. Well, better get out and cut the grass right now.

Well, my last post just dissappeared. I am TOTFIT today in mind, body, and spirit. I am in Chattanooga spending a couple of days at the aquarium. I am not sure what I will be doing after tomorrow. Tomorrow we head to Cleveland, TN. Been doing a lot of thinking about AA lately. I think I will spend some aa time. Hopefully, and I really feel that my last drink is done. Well, I am also getting sentimental about things in my life. I feel, really feel and it is good. Don't know much else for now. Heading to river fest.

Really had a great weekend mentally, spiritually, and physically. Isn't that total fitness? The physical aspects for the weekend were a two mile run and one mile walk on Saturday with a home gutter cleaning session. Yesterday we biked about 19 miles round trip to the YMCA where we took Radnor swimming. It was ready to storm on the way back, so we stopped at Uncle Bud's Catfish to eat and wait out the storm. Perfect timing ate during the storm and had a leisurely ride home. Went to an AA meeting Saturday also. I feel more confident in my sobriety than I have ever I guess. I am not as much confident that I will stay sober as I am confident in my commitment and the knowledge that absolutely nothing positive will come from a drink, so why bother? Really, today I just feel blessed. I feel blessed to be who I am with what I have been given in life. Life is good! I am up in the early morning hours unable to sleep writing this which is not so good, but I am awake from gratitude a

Well, after changing from a teacher to heavy commercial form carpenter, the summer pace is here. Seems that I am mostly used to the work once again, though I will still be getting in better work shape for a couple more months or so. Have some regret from time to time about the teaching, but I know in my heart that I am best suited to something else that is less stressful. I am sober and intend to stay that way. I am grateful for this fact and will do anything to maintain this attitude. Still not eating as light as I would like, but not sure how much lighter I could eat with the work I do.Later

Teenage daughter is really giving us the run around about visitation at the moment. The only time she is really sure to contact us or be available for contact is when she wants some money. Guess it is not a unique situation, but I am tired of it. I am especially tired of the quarterly pleas from her mother for extra money. I think when she turns 18 it may be all over. Two more years and I am done. Sober thing is going well. Went to an actual face to face AA meeting yesterday and even spoke up. I think for the most part I am doing well on the totfit scale. I would say currently operating about a 7 on the scale of the unattainable 10.

I am so sick of the politics and propaganda of this administration that I would just about renounce my citizenship. Hope for change is my only hope. Lies and propaganda fuel the heartbeat of our country and its citizenry. What to do? I am still firm in totfit/totsob. I am wanting to go to a meeting. I think tomorrow morning will be a good one for me. I have so much work to do at the house, that I don't know if I will ever be done. I will just do what I can tomorrow. Sunday will be a spiritual rest and relaxation day. Along with a workout of course.

Wow, the days of the week are flying by. I am having little problem now with the TOTFIT/TOTSOB mentality. The only thing I seem to have problems with is the restlessness as far as jobs go. I don't know if there is little going on here at DELL or not, but now wish I had stayed there. Oh well, the main thing is to just keep on moving forward, right? Better go for now. All is well!

Well, just back to the normal routine after the holiday. I am trying to lose a pound a week through vacation time first week of July. Am going to try to add no less than three aerobic days during the week as it has been averaging 2-3 the past four or five weeks. Addictive thinking these days is at a minimum except for sexual thinking. Well, I must start thinking meditating and working on the spiritual part of my fitness triangle. JUST DO IT!

Well, it is Sunday, Labor Day Weekend and we had a great ride yesterday of 47 miles. We towed Radnor in the trailer for the first 15 miles and we rode without him on our tandem bike for the rest of the time. It was a great ride and hopefully the beginning of putting together some time on the bike. Today we are sitting here wondering about the weather and whether or not we are going to ride.

Wow, today is a different day! Don't know why, but I felt a little depressed yesterday. I just stayed in a funck most of the day after slightly pulling a leg muscle behind my knee. Almost a week without any type of patch, so that might be part of the problem. TOTSOB/TOTFIT is still the name of the game above all and things are still going well. Looking forward to riding bikes two days at the Horsey 100 this weekend.

Beautiful hot summer day here in Nashville. We were going to do a bike ride today, but the wind was horrendous, so I went for a run at Shelby Park instead. We enjoyed the afternoon and had lunch at the Farmer's Market and Rad played in the fountains at the Bicentinnial Mall. It was a beautiful day all around. Still my head is in a totfit mode. I am now keeping a food journal at fitday . Still looking two weeks ahead in battling any urges to get off track. There is still some questions in my head as far as career path goes. I probably won't be able to continue in the work I am doing over the long hall, because of my knees. I may have to start looking at a real career. I like construction, but the wear and tear my make me leave. What to do....I don't know. Computer Industry, Dell, just don't know. I guess though if I just open my mind and stay the path I am on answers will come.

Today is pool day for Rad and Dad. Tried to go yesterday, but it was closed. I would like to get the grass cut before we go. I here him calling now and must run. Today I need to get grass cut, run 3 miles and get some other things done also. I must remember that drinking alcohol for any reason at any time in the present or future would be an act of insanity. I am sober by choice. I am fit by hard work. Will begin cutting calories. Would like to loose about 10 pounds. That will take some time. Time to go.

I am not new to cable, but just went for a week out of town. A week of dial-up on motel room phone line reinforced just how wonderful broadband was compared to dial-up. I am glad to be home more so of course to be with my son, wife, and even Norman the wienie dog. Today I think we will go to the YMCA pool and enjoy. Course, sobriety and total fitness are top priority for the day and a bike ride to the beach is in order.

Well, not totally sleepless, but rooming with a bear and sleeping with difficulty. I guess I slept 5 hours anyway. Went down very early, just didn't stay down. Why on sleepless nights do I always go over regrets. The only big regrets I have right now are leaving teaching the way I did. And while I would like to say that it was not the way I intended it to happen with little notice and none to the kids, then why did I write the resignation letter the way I did? The reality was it happend just the way I wished it would. I wanted the hell out. Accept it and move on. Still wonderfully calm as far as sobriety goes. Sobriety and total fitness are again and always my priorites. I guess I'll have one more night with the bear in my room and then I can go home to wife and child. Today is going to be a long tough day. Let's make the best of it.

Well, I am sober today and I for some reason I feel that I will finally be sober for good. I am just comfortable with sobriety and could not imagine drinking again for any reason. I also like to take care of myself mentally, physically and spiritually. I love life and all it has to offer today. I will continue to toe the sober line.

Made it last night in just a little over two hours. The trip was a lot quicker than I had imagined. I am and will remain TOTFIT/TOTSOB. Sobriety and quest for total fitness are primary in my life and with that I can take care of all important things and make a positive contribution to the world. Will be starting work at 6:30. The job is only a couple of minutes from the motel, so starting won't be too bad. Haven't really seen the area yet. I am wondering what sights are available. We are right here by the Ocoee River. It would be a nice place to tour. I have my bicycle, but imagine the hills here would be a killer after work. Well, I do miss Rad and Kim. I for some reason almost got a little choked up when I left. Silly, but guess I am getting a little more emotional at the ripe old age of 45. Well, better get moving and ready for work.

Getting ready to go to Cleveland, TN to work for a few days. First time I have been away working since Radnor was born. I guess we will just have to see how things work out. Today is going to for the most part be a relaxing day with family and then I will leave about 6:00 PM. Well, don't know much else for now. Didn't eat the greatest yesterday, but will keep working on it. I am still about 8 or so pounds from what I consider my ideal weight, maybe 10 to 12. Would like to be around 150 in a couple of months. It is a much better weight fo running.

Just a link to some pretty good information. Since I believe "total fitness" encompasses spirituality here are some thoughts: http://www.skysite.org/wellness.html. The website has some pretty good philosophical information also. Well, I have been for my run already. Showered. Rad taking a nap. Yes, it is time for Saturday afternoon SEX! Hurry up with your lunch mama, daddy has got something for you :-).

Just enjoyed a morning run and thinking session. Reflected of course on sobriety and was of course a fitness participant. The thinking went from Bush and Hummers being the enemy to how long my "quest" for sobriety has left me little time for actual action along my line of beliefs. Well, TIME FOR A CHANGE! Instead of setting on the sidelines and being critical of others actions or miss actions in my head, time for me to start acting. The enemy: social, environmental, and political antagonists; these are the culprits with which I will direct my action. The religeous right is wrong! Oh well, rambling and time for a shower. Sobriety is the icing, but ain't the cake good.

Well, it is a TOTFIT Friday in Nashville. Got off a little early today. We are going out of town for work next week. Cleveland, TN by the Ocoee River will be the destination. This should be just a little taste of how things will be if I have to go out of town later on for any kind of extended period. I was a little draggy at work first thing and it was kind of a slow day for us, but I did gain energy as the day went on. Now to plan the weekend.

Well, though I got wetted out of work today, I had a most productive day at the house. Got a lot of cleaning done and a little bit of laundry. I also went to a meeting and ran three miles. Still not a hint of "stinking thinking" as far as drinking goes. I feel most calm and relaxed. Sent Amanda an email get well. Hate that she is sick with mono, but I am really powerless to give much comfort from an almost 200 mile distance apart. Well, got to get ready for supper.

Wow, this week is flying by! Now we are left with the question, what for the weekend? Rain forecast Saturday, but we will have to ride on Sunday. Maybe we will ride to the Y. Whatever I do I will not let the crazy thoughts of doing damage to my body or spirit creep into my head. I will remain TOTSOB and conduct myself in a TOTFIT manner. Haven't been to the gym since I started work. I may have to go today for a bit if I have any energy at all left after work. Hopefully, I will have enough for a run or bike this afternoon at the very least. Rad has been getting up in the night and trying to get in bed with us. What are we going to do with him? Well, its off to work.

Well, can't believe I have arrived at this place in time. I certainly don't feel the way I would have years ago perceived 45 to feel. I actually don't feel much different than I did at 25, though I would have to say in certain ways a bit wiser. Probably a bit wiser and open and honest about my strengths and weaknesses and more accepting of who I am and am not. I know myself. Physically, I am better, though I have suffered a little wear and tear (primarily knees), it is nothing I can't adapt to and deal with. I can't think of a thing I would really want to change about my life right now, even though at 45, I still don't necessarily know what I want to do when I grow up. Don't really expect that will ever happen, both the growing up and the buckling down with a single career path. I guess variety is the spice of life, though fame and fortune will not fall my way. I have settled down into a family that I love and would not trade for anything. We aren't perf

For me the new week begins on the workday, not the calander Sunday. Dragging a little this morning after all the physical activity of the weekend. I am still a little bushed and would just love to lay out today. Well, I'd best keep things moving. I was enamored by the sailboats yesterday. I am getting boat fever for sure. Course if we had a boat we would have to dock it somewhere. I will maintain my totfit/totsob attitude this week and of course remember that alcohol is poison for me. Well, better get ready for the day.

Wow, just completed a hilly 24 mile bike ride pulling my son in a trailer. I am BUSHED. I think this is going to turn out a little funny. Oh well, it is time for bed and I can't mess with it now. Total sobriety is the only way for me.

Essential Therapy Store & Spa I may have to try this soon. I could certainly use a full body massage for my getting older body. Not sure what today holds other than it being a totally sober day. Mom will have the say so today and I guess Rad and I will go along for the ride. The ride will probably be a bike ride to a yet to be determined location. Well, it is going to be a beautiful hot day, so where we ride really won't matter. :-)

Cool Running :: totsob's running log Well, I finally got a run in at only 2 miles and then walked a mile, but wanted to take it easy starting out. Went to a meeting this morning and am getting back in the swing of things. Did a couple of things around the house today and feel really good, but sleepy at the moment. Got to go for nowl.

Well, it has been a hot, hot day at work. I think it has jumped from April till July temperature-wise. Once again total fitness and sobriety are the priorities. I am going to turn it on at 45, which is May ll. I'll try and hit a meeting tomorrow, but otherwise I am not sure of the mother's plans for the weekend. I will let her decide since it his her weekend. Going for Tie food tonight and am looking forward to it. A friend is taking us out since I fixed their computer. Well, need to start getting busy.

Well, got a taste of what the summer holds in store for heating up an old carpenter. It was hot today, but I still came home and cut the grass. It is a wonder how the drink compulsion has just left. I still expect to have thoughts later on, but for now none. It seems almost too easy. I still haven't begun me aerobic workouts, but I will get started soon, no later than birthday. Well, time for bed.

Looks like there will be a break from rain for the next SEVERAL days and I am wonderfully happy about this development. This morning I once again set my priorities to be TOTSOB/TOFIT. Without my sobriey I am not myself, I am lost. I didn't get my workout in yesterday as planned, but I made the house really look good. I ran through like a terror. I helped Meredith with her computer, reinstalled her XP. Unfortunately, I couldn't save her data. We are going for Indian quisine Friday. Today I have to pick up Radnor, so the next workout opportunity will be Wednesday. I did eat well yesterday. Well, better get ready for work. TOTFIT/TOTSOB

Radar shows that I might not be working today. This will give me a great chance for a day at the gym. I AM going to start once again concentrating on aerobics and eating. The 11th of this month I will be 45 and TOTFIT will be my priority for the second half of my life and will go hand in hand with sobriety. After today the rest of the week looks beautiful. Maybe I will check out a meeting today after cleaning the house. "Mean Girls" this afternoon? The world is my oyster. Hope I don't go out of town this week, but if I do it will just be for a couple of days.

Today looks like a relaxed somewhat cooler day of TACA arts fair touring. We have my nieces to day and plan on touring the fair before we take them home. Had an enjoyable reunion yesterday, though I ate entirely too much. I guess I can affort to splurge occasionally considering the type of work I am now doing. I haven't begun working on aerobics, but feel the need to stay around and entertain. Will begin tomorrow working out aerobically once again. Though sometimes my knees whine that it is time to find something other than running, I still like to run. Would like to get into the pool for some lap workouts once again soon, but have been procrastinating. Hopefully Kim can get off early enough to do some bike rides also. Guess I'd better get off my duff and begin entertaining once again.

Well, the workweek is done and a weekend of family reunion, arts festival, entertaining son and nieces is planned. TOTFIT/TOSOB of course is as always the priority for the day. I am looking forward to the reunion. Hopefully, all of my cousins will attend this affair for a change. Not sure what to do for Pop's birthday, but hopefully he will enjoy his cake and the offer of a trip to watch a game with his "boys". If I can, I am going to slip in a meeting this morning. Not sure if I will have time, but I will try. Well, better start making preparations.

I've really just about had it with my wife. She is going to have to choose between the dog and me. She has been leaving it in the house during the day and it shit, pissed and puked in the living room today while we were at work. I have just had it. Other than that has been a good day. Had a decent day at work and am looking forward to the weekend. Totsob/Totfit is the only way for me to live. I am going to start my workout push tomorrow. I am used to work enough to start once again building Aerobically. Dog shit or not I will have a nice weekend.

Wow, has been a couple of days since I have written. Thinks are cooking along fitly and soberly and that is my committment for today. Kim's Dad and Martha were in yesterday for supper and we had a nice visit. I think things went off well. Kim is going to have to get over her bossiness around guests: telling me things that need to be done or she will be doing them herself. Maybe I am a little too sensitive and can't see myself doing the same things with her. Rad was his entertaining self. I am not sure what to do for my Dad's birthday. Kim said something about all of us going to Chicago for a ballgame. I thing that would be fun. Or we could go up when they play the Reds. Have had some fleeting drinking thoughts. How ridiculous would that be. I just can't believe that is even something that I would consider. It is really amazing how the mind works or doesn't work as far as addiction goes. Well, enough for now.

Well, going to be a beautiful sober day once again. I am working in a couple of different places today. I guess the moving around isn't too bad. Wish I knew where I was going every day though. Having some really wierd dreams lately, but can't remember them. I know this: I am so much more relaxed than when I was teaching. It doesn't seem as if I live in a crisis of some sort or the other all the time. Teaching would be ok without meetings and extra paperwork all the time. Camping this weekend at Montgomery Bell is the plan if it doesn't rain. One way or the other we will enjoy the weekend. I am due some meetings also, so if nothing else I will get one in somewhere. Absolutely no desire to damage my body in any way. I ate fairly well yesterday and will continue the trend. Though I am looking to drop a few pounds, I am still making sure I have plenty of work fuel. My biking plans of yesterday changed because I had to pick up Radnor. I will do something aerobic today!

Start of another sober workweek. I am glad to be working outside. It looks like it is going to be a beautiful week. I miss teaching sometimes, but I am certainly glad not to have any headaches. Well, a good week of work and hopefully a nice weekend camping. Well, better get ready for work. I think I am ok right now as far as my sobriety goes. I just hope that I can stay the course. It has been a month now. I am going to shoot for years/ live. Need to loose about 10 lbs. That is my goal for now.

Well, its Sunday and hope it will be a sober funday! Just got out of the pool with Rad, Amanda, and Justin. I guess we had better get ready to start moving. Think we all had a fairly good time. There is some tension between myself and kim. She has begun to get a little bossy and I won't stand for that. I love her, but her clumsiness with things, especially intimacy, wears real thin at times. Above all remember that a sober and fit mind, body, and spirit is most able to make the right choices and move forward. I intend to start with more aerobics in the coming month. I'll save some money and see where we go from there.

My Yahoo! Oh wow, we just came back to rome from birmingham today. Watched the usa women beat brazil 5-1. I am totally sober and loving life at the moment. Total fitness will continue to take on new dimensions and I will continue to seek to further my fitness and be the best person I can be. Well, I will just keep on keeping on. We have Amanda AND Justin in the motel room tonight and am not sure what I am going to do with everyone. Well time to spend some time with the kids.

Results I forgot how this works. Let's see. Bandwidth Place is something good to spread. I really like this service. Well, I had better get ready to get to Georgia.

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Wow, I am moving slowly this morning, but I will most certainly be moving through this day sober. It is amazing the lies that substances can whisper to a substance abuser, but I will not buy them for today. I was amazed to have worked yesterday. Don't know if I will be so lucky today. I'll just give it a try. I am really looking forward to the weekend with Amanda. I can't wait to see our Women's National Team play Brazil. Should be a great game and a great time. I want to do some type of aerobic workout today. Maybe I will do the elliptical trainer instead of run. Or I could go for a swim. Well, I must get ready for work.

Wow, it is Thursday and I haven't written in two days. Got a bonus day today at work. I was sure it was going to rain us out, but no, we worked the full day. I could sure use a full week. We have really been spending the money lately. Again, sobriety and total fitness are my priorities, without which I have nothing. I feel as if I am doing well right now. I haven't kept up my running profile, but by the first of June I will be back to at least 3-4 aerobic days a week. The work I am doing right now is a grand workout in its own right. Really looking forward to getting Amanda this weekend and heading to the US Women vs. Brazil soccer match. I am psyched. Things are still going fairly smooth. I am a little tired from work today, but I am ok. I am for some reason having or worrying about financial things when I think or feel that they really are. Guess I had better head for the shower, then start thinking about supper.

Can't say that I will never drink again, but I sure can't think of one good reason or even a bad reason now. Frankly, drinking is just not an option any more. Today, was a pretty good day at work. I am getting ready to go and pick up the Rad man. Pork roast is in the crock pot. Maybe I'll fix mashed potatoes and something else with it. I feel really good right now. Looking forward to visiting Amanda this weekend and watching US vs Brazil women's soccer.

First and foremost, sobriety is my priority for the day and life. Went to church yesterday. This was the first time in so long. Really enjoyed the service. Being a Unitarian certainly has advantages. I can support the social justice and environmental causes I believe in and spiritually believe how I feel on a day to day basis, instead of how I am told to believe. Went to a Vandy baseball game afterwards and watched them beat Arkasas 14-8. They only won 1of 3 for the series, but I saw the winning game. I am a little perturbed at Kim. She is planning a night out with JoAnn and leaving rad and I out of it. If things keep going as they are I certainly won't drink over it, but I also don't feel really faithful or as we are growing as a couple. I just don't know. Her priorities are not in line with mine. I sense that I am going to do a lot more of my own thing. Where that leaves us, I do not know. Maybe she will take a little more notice when I am not hanging around as much.

Today, TOTFIT bike ride: Two County Metric Century. Well, we are getting ready to go on a bike ride sponsored by the Murfreesboro bike club. I can't wait. The wind is calm and we are ready to go. Thank you great spirit. Let's do it. TOTSOB is my priority for today.

Wow, I have got to get moving towards work. Well, TOTFIT is the plan for a sober day. Tomorrow a bike ride. Thirty one miles as part of the Two County Century in Murfreesboro. Let's rock on. Well, I had better get going. Eight hours and the weekend. All right!

What a great sober, totfit, day today. Went about sixty miles out of town today to work. Acutally had a leisurely day working. I was still ill at Ronda for her trying to change the plan on my going to Orlanda with Amanda. Now she is trying to get her mother to go also. If she does the it will be instead of, not also. I just get sick of her trying to control and manipulate all the time. Oh well. I'm not doing the best as far as my eating is going. I must starting tomorrow slow down.

Another wet, but sober day in Tennessee. Drove 60 miles to work this morning only to hang out for an hour and return home. Went to Wal-Mart and bought an Anniversary gift for my wife. (OK so a microwave is not romantic, but appliances are listed as the four year thing) I went to an AA meeting, straightened the house and took a nap. Spent a good part of the day contemplating and reading about living tools. I feel pretty firm in my TOTFIT frame of mind and right now don't feel the need to be perfect except in not taking a drink. All or nothing thinking is one of the things that has gotten me in serious trouble in the past so that is definately something I need to leave alone. I am fairly comfortable with life at the moment, but still feel a little lost. What is my purpose? blah, blah, blah. Really, I think one should just LIVE and live well. When I say well, I don't mean materialistically, but instead experiencailly. New motto: "Life, experience it". Well, enough for no

Well, wound out a good day after picking Radnor up and going for Chineese. He seems to think this is the routine every time I pick him up from school. Oh well, I guess it is the routine. I went to see Passion this afternoon. I thought the movie was fairly powerful, though a little gory. I must remember that sobriety comes first and with that anything is possible. Without it only misery is possible. A little tired from my workout. The first real workout I have had other than work in three weeks. Tired, but I feel good also. I ate horrible late this afternoon, but tomorrow is another day. Too much junk. Enough for now. Later

Wow, looks as if i need to change my settings. I dont think this is going to work with Opera. Hmm, lets see if this works anyway. I can only see a line at a time as I write. Well, I guess I'll just go in and change the settings back to where they were.

Well, rained out of work and here once again. Stopped at the gym and had a great totfit workout. Nice sober thing to do. I did three miles on the treadmill, though didn't run as fast as normal. Took a nap and did a Lifering chat, my first. It is a terribly soggy day, so there will be little outside activity. Guess I'll pick up the Radster early and go to the mall. My anniversary is day after tomorrow, so I need to pick a little something up. Well, I know I am on the right track for the moment, just not sure how to stay there. The fear is that I will not see a future lapse coming, but I must remember that I typically have all the signs, so just not by the bullshit in my head. Physically I really feel great. I think I will be ok as far as my knees go doing construction. Tommorow to Lewisburg. I'll go tomorrow no matter what the weather. Well, time to go for now.

Here again on a cloudy Easter morning. My son has already awaken to see the treats from the "Easter Bunny". TOTFIT is my frame of mind for the day, but I probably will not eat the best foods today. I will allow myself a little leeway for a family hamburger feast. Spiritually, I am thinking a little of the Christian meaning for Easter and celebrate the thought of sacrifice for others and look for peace on the planet. I didn't run yesterday as I had intended. I instead spent some of the day shopping with my wife, but most just relaxing. It has been a big transition to construction from teaching over the past couple of weeks, but I am fortunately making the transition better than expected. I will start to look for ways I can include at least three running days into my week. While teaching may have been a noble profession, it certainly wasn't for me. I now have the quality time and right frame of mind to do other things.

Well, just back from a movie with Rad and mom. The disney movie Home on the Range was short and sweet. It was just long enough and not too long for either the toddler or his dad. I overate popcorn, but I'll make it up somehow. Missed an AA meeting this morning. I went and got milk for Rad instead. Oh well, think I'll stay sober today anyway.

Looks as if it is going to be a TOTFIT rainy Saturday. I'll begin the day with a meeting at 9:30, then a trip to the gym. Other than that I am not sure what the day holds, no real plans. After two weeks back in the carpenter business, I see no reason not to be able to keep it going. I have no immediate plans to do anything else. Everyone is sleeping in this morning. It is really amazing especially for Radnor. I am sitting here having a quiet cup of coffee and just grateful for all that is in my life at this moment. I will stay the course and hopefully contribute to the stability and peace of the family and community. It is unsettling some of the things that are going on in the world, but there is little I can do other than stick to and voice my opinions on issues. I will once again get involved in the Sierra Club and church and contribute my small part. I will also of course VOTE! There seems to be few surprises on the horizon at the moment and actually for that I am grateful.

Another day in paradise. Again today sobriety and total fitness are at the forefront of my plans for the day. I am happy to report all is well. I am going to begin slowly cutting my calorie intake in an effort to lose about 10 lbs. I just feel better at a lower weight and will slowly lose. Looking forward to this Easter weekend with family. My family is coming here for the day and we will see how Radnor enjoys the "Easter Bunny". I am so much more relaxed now that I have resigned teaching and am working with form erectors again. The work is physically challenging, but when I am done I am done. I don't have things rolling around in my head all the time. The hourly rate isn't bad and I would rather have that than what I did teaching. I plan on a 9:30 meeting in the morning and will just for the most part work around the house tomorrow. Anniversary is coming up, so I have to make plans for that. Time to get ready for work.

Another day in paradise. Again today sobriety and total fitness are at the forefront of my plans for the day. I am happy to report all is well. I am going to begin slowly cutting my calorie intake in an effort to lose about 10 lbs. I just feel better at a lower weight and will slowly lose. Looking forward to this Easter weekend with family. My family is coming here for the day and we will see how Radnor enjoys the "Easter Bunny". I am so much more relaxed now that I have resigned teaching and am working with form erectors again. The work is physically challenging, but when I am done I am done. I don't have things rolling around in my head all the time. The hourly rate isn't bad and I would rather have that than what I did teaching. I plan on a 9:30 meeting in the morning and will just for the most part work around the house tomorrow. Anniversary is coming up, so I have to make plans for that. Time to get ready for work.

Well, a beautiful Wednesday morning and I am getting ready to drive several miles to work. First and foremost no drinking for me today. Had a great dinner with rad after work yesterday when I picked him up from school. He had a ball with the waitresses at the Chineese resturaunt. Well, better get going for now. Tomorrow or today I will definately run. Got to drop 6 pounds. JUST DO IT !

Getting ready to embark on another sober day. Finally a full week smober and sober. I detest the fact that I ever smoked the first cigarette. Had a decent day at work yesterday, not real trying, so I came home cut the grass, ran the weedeater, and straightened the house. I am going to pick up rad today after work and we are going to the play ground. I guess I will save my run day for Wednesday. I feel pretty good right now about sobriety and life. I am not totally sure about my homelife, but things will be ok I am sure. We are moving around at work right now, but hopefully we will be working around town. There are a couple of big jobs coming up in Nashville and I would like to be a part of them. We'll see what happens. The primary thing right now is totfit. I must make a spiritual connection today. Just live in the moment. GS give me strength as I go through the day.

I will stay sober today! That said it is time to think about how I will approach my day. I will do the things I need to do at work faithfully and try and approach all with a positive attitude. I will try and get home today and get a little yard work done. Tomorrow is my running day. I am "recoverying" right now from a great day with family yesterday at a Vanderbilt baseball game. Live is good!

Had a great 26 mile bike ride (hilly) yesterday. We took the tandem and pulled our young son in a trailer. I really enjoyed the ride though a couple of the hills were really tough, especially before I adjusted the gears so that it would drop down to the "granny" gear. Went to Franklin, TN and had lunch. Went to an AA meeting yesterday and got a little upset for a bit thinking that I may see myself falling into an old trap or jumping right back up on my feet again. Well, I am committed to staying sober and enriching myself physically, mentally, and spiritiually. Sobriety is the natuaral course for me, not an unnatural one. I just physically was not meant to drink alcohol. Today, I am going to church for the first time in some time and then we are going to a baseball game, Vandy vs South Carolina. Radnor (my son) should really enjoy the game.

Well, here I am, just not sure whom I is. Certainly a real comment as to my feelings at the moment. TOTFITis certainly a way to look at how we want to take care of ourselves as human beings. I am not sorry for what I have done, I just really don't want to do it anymore. I am currently a 7 on the TOTFIT scale or at least that is how I would rate myself. Thinking about and will probably go to an AA meeting in a bit and just explore. I feel drawn to the meeting, so it should be one for me. The spirit is moving me, so it is time to move.

A new day is dawned and once again I re-establish my sobriety priority. That is first and foremost. Woke up this morning at a little after 3:00 AM. I don't know why I couldn't sleep, but alas here I am. Today I'll take a tandem bike ride with my wife pulling our toddler son. He has been in the trailer his whole life so knows little difference and loves it. The weather will be in the low sixties, so should be nice. I am feeling "bigger" after my week of construction work and am happier. I was a little pissed at the wife after she arrived home a little late yesterday from work after telling me she would be home early and I was preparing dinner. She had to stop for a drink after work and it burns me up considering my deal. She also had to have a giant beer at dinner Thursday night after us talking about her drinking in front of me. Oh well! Well, hopefully it will be a nice day and a nice ride.

Well, back for an afternoon message. I worked 32.5 hours this week and I really think I am going to like doing this work much better. I have nothing on my mind and have to worry about nothing for work Monday other than showing up. It may be selfish, but I didn't realize how miserable I was teaching until looking back on some other things I had written here and also looking out how different I feel right now. I will continue to write here every day. TOTFIT is the only way and sobriety is the key part of it for me. Without that I have nothing but misery each and every time I drink.

Well, I haven't written in a while. I have just recently resigned my teaching position and had an almost one week drinking lapse. I am back on track at the moment and happy for it. I have gone back into concrete construction and feel so much better about things it is unbelievable. I will daily here talk about my committment to sobriety and total fitness. My mind is so much clearer now and I am able to feel spiritually where as before I seemed so clouded. I feel my chances running out in the lapsing thing and wish for permanent sobriety. I will continue to put one foot in front of the other and keep faith that being sober is the only life for me.

Well, I need to start doing this on a regular basis along with working out on a regular basis. I can't seem to just get it down to a regular time and date. I want to go back to work at dell. I want to look at the girls at work and just to have a good time. I want to work out when I get off and not have to worry about some twit kid getting on my last nerve. I just don't really know what I want to do, but I seriously doubt it will be teaching, unless a science job just lands in my lap. We'll see. I love science, but the kids I am not sure I can hang with much longer.

Saturday was a great run and today I will just pick up Radnor. School seems like hell right now, I can't hardly stand it. I am just really tired of some of the kids and am oh so glad that Spring Break is coming up. Well, I need to get ready for the summer. What am I going to do next year? I just don't know. Looking at 3/3/2004 for my explosive kick for the year. Like NIKE says: Just Do It!

Just finished a great run. Three miler done with a one mile walk included on a 60 degree sunny day. Also, got some yard work done this morning, so I have had a great day. In two weeks I'll be in Florida camping. Life is great! I have my new computer up and running now, so soon I'll have the downstairs office in tact. Once again life is good. Well, best go for now. I'll keep posting and see how things go.

Once again haven't written in a while. I am going to get moving once again and work out the kinks. I am in decent shape, but beginning in March I am going fot the ultimate fitness for older athletes. Mind, body, spirit are my mottos. Well, not much else to say for now, but I will keep moving.

Long time no post. Need to see what is going on here at blogger and need to stay up to date on my postings. Things are going really well in all areas of my life right now. I am enjoying teaching. I am working out. I am committed to being all I can be. Worked out yesterday and had a good Valentines Day with my wife. I love the fact that in four weeks we are going back to Florida. :-) Totfit is the only way to live:mind, body, spirit. Well, I'll see how this post goes and I will go from there.

Well, back in the saddle again. After the short little lapse, I feel better than ever. After considering resigning my teaching position, I had the best week all year. I ran 3 miles yesterday, walked two today and had a full work out with a 3 mile run at the gym on Wednesday. We are going back to the same spot in Florida for Spring Break at which we spent our winter break. John Dickerson State Park is a fine place to camp, by some really nice beaches. Can't wait to go. I must remember TOTFIT involves body, mind, and spirit.

Wow, can't believe it has been this long posting. Since the last post, have had a lapse, gone to detox, but alas am back to "normal". Drank for four days beginning with a "teaching crisis". Things now are actually quite good again. I had a great workout and run yesterday and will continue on the path.

Back from paradise! Had a wonderful vacation at John Dickinson State Park on the east coast of South Florida. Seven days of nice workouts in a wonderful location without one day missed! Five days of fabulous bike rides and beach swims and two days of nice runs 3 plus miles each, one barefoot on the beach and one on the boardwalk at Crandon Park in Miami. This vacation was just what I needed to set the tone for a fit 2004. I took a break yesterday, most spent in the car travelling back, but I am shortly to head out the door today for a 3 miler or so. We also spent a couple of days stroking a canoe, so I had some good all around workouts minus weights or machines. I am tan and motivated for 2004.